IKEA opening: WHO GIVES A F*$#^ edition (UPDATE)

by B.A.C., 10/16/2007
Why? WHY is this news in the Miami Hurled? Actually I should be asking why this is such a HUGE deal with the people of SoFla? Stuck on the Palmetto has a host of posts regarding the opening and the "Ikea Fanatics", yes you read right...Ikea Fanatics. WTF people?!?!? It's a furniture store. I can understand being a fanatic of Pleasure Emporium because well, sex is great and all the toys and movies never get old. Not to mention the endless selection of flavored lubricants, edible undies, multi-setting dildos, gags and fun-swings. But furniture? Do we really need the Miami Hurled to print a guide on how to handle the Wednesday opening? And this:
about 20 off-duty officerswill direct traffic and provide security Wednesday through the weekend. In addition, four off-duty Florida Highway Patrol troopers will manually control stoplights along major roads near the store.
Score one for the consumer driven society and the off duty cops that will likely end up firing pepper spray and rubber bullets at those middle aged furniture rioters! Tamara Lush over at Riptide puts it nicely:
it's a goddamned store! And really, do we Americans need more cheap crap?
Wait this just in, site founder Lackner has been spotted hiding under the covers of a crib in the infants furniture section of Ikea. Lack is my boy but his love for the little ones is giving me the willies.

UPDATE: You freaking yokels up in Ft. Lauderdale.

''It was all incredibly disappointing. They said they were going to have free stuff and take care of people in line. They didn't do anything. We could have come up this morning and got a free chair,'' said No. 3 in line, Marisol Lopez, 26, of Pembroke Pines.
Comments disabled Tags: Ikea, Things Ft. Lauderdale people do, Things stupid people do
There are 22 comments about this post:
comment #0, posted by Lackner at 10/16/2007 07:45am Reply
It's a cool store, stfuuuuuu. If you weren't content to live in a cardboard box under 395, you'd understand why people lust for candy colored wooden occasional tables.

....and I was inspecting those cribs for their flammability rating.
pop lock and drop it
comment #1, posted by jsand at 10/16/2007 09:11am Reply
I drove from Boston to Long Island to get a desk from IKEA. Well, that wasn't the only reason for my visit to NY, but still. I drove all the way home with a piece of finished wood precariously tethered to the roof of my car. My yellow S4. My fast, yellow S4. With my innate disregard for speed limits I learned a lot about aerodynamics that day. Regardless, I had my generically Swedish-named office furniture and I was happy. I'll never love another piece of furniture like I did that desk.

Rocking the balls and ass of the blogging world.
comment #2, posted by B.A.C. at 10/16/2007 09:24am Reply
You IKEA loving, home furnishing homos are making me sick. Go to IKEA tomorrow and hug and kiss in a vat of steaming Swedish meatballs on top of occasional tables while the rest of your hedonistic Swedish brand loving swingers watch the orgy that im sure will move to the infant sections.
I am the eggman
comment #3, posted by Duran at 10/16/2007 10:10am Reply
Ummm what do you have against the Swedish B.A.C.? They gave us ABBA, Ace of Base, the Cardigans, Swedish meatballs, plenty of Nordic beauties and of course IKEA. I think they should win the Noble Prize of Awesomeness for just being so awesome.
Ghost of Miami Nights Past
comment #4, posted by jessica who? at 10/16/2007 10:21am Reply
Bryan, i'm afraid this is a war you're going to lose. Some of us don't have the luxury of furnishing our apartments exclusively at Fendi. This is something to be celebrated! Now I can throw out those milk crates I've been passing off as furniture since...people actually had milk crates.
comment #5, posted by B.A.C. at 10/16/2007 10:38am Reply
It's not a war against IKEA, it's against all the senseless hoopla about a furniture store opening! PERHAPS if there were some unique, one of a kind, limited edition items on sale I could understand. But it's all assembly line, mass manufactured furniture that everyone and their mother will have.

"oh my god Jim, I have the exact same living room and bathroom. Did you sit outside IKEA for 12 hours? I didn't see you there! Let's make a date of it tomorrow!"
I am the eggman
comment #6, posted by B.A.C. at 10/16/2007 10:39am Reply
oh and Duran, you don't gotta tell me twice about nordic beauties. Im all bout dem. And Ace of Base sucks and whoever plays that crap in a club should be lynched.
I am the eggman
comment #7, posted by Duran at 10/16/2007 10:59am Reply
BLASPHEMY! Ace of Base were AMAZING! DJ Skeet Skeet played "All That She Wants" last time he was at Revolver. It was the highlight of my life.
Ghost of Miami Nights Past
comment #8, posted by Lackner at 10/16/2007 11:04am Reply
Best song of that era - Crystal Waters - Gypsy Woman. It's Raul's favorite song.
pop lock and drop it
comment #9, posted by B.A.C. at 10/16/2007 11:09am Reply
"Lynch Skeet Skeet" petition starting right now!
I am the eggman
comment #10, posted by jsand at 10/16/2007 12:54pm Reply
Gypsy Woman *is* the best in that class of upbeat songs about something terrible. But that only goes to show you we're more like dogs than we think. You can scold a dog in a soothing voice and he'll react positively. Just write a song about a mentally ill homeless woman (Gypsy Woman), crystal meth addiction (Semi-Charmed Life) or a slut (All That She Wants) and as long as it has an uplifting arrangement people will dance to it and buy the CDs. I'm still waiting for Avril Lavigne to pen a pop tune about soldiers in Iraq being eviscerated by land mines or the genocide in Darfur.


Rocking the balls and ass of the blogging world.
comment #11, posted by Lackner at 10/16/2007 12:57pm Reply
On the flip side, My Name Is Luca is overly depressing considering the subject matter.
pop lock and drop it
comment #12, posted by jsand at 10/16/2007 1:08pm Reply
Just think if Suzanne Vega had written "My Name is Luca" in the style of "Tom's Diner". That would have been musical gold: "Do do do do, do do do do, do do do do, daddy beats me".

Suzy, babe, if you're reading this, call me. Me and you could do big things. Big things.
Rocking the balls and ass of the blogging world.
comment #13, posted by B.A.C. at 10/16/2007 1:45pm Reply
I need to get in that Lab Jsand is working in
I am the eggman
comment #14, posted by Lackner at 10/16/2007 1:57pm Reply
Sour Diesel Lab
pop lock and drop it
comment #15, posted by jessica who? at 10/16/2007 2:02pm Reply
You guys forgot the Macarena, which of course is about the Armenian Genocide. Amazing how they depicted the plight of the Armenians through an interpretive line dance. Let us dance the Macarena and never forget.
comment #16, posted by jsand at 10/16/2007 2:34pm Reply
Sorry to derail any comedic attempts, but Macarena is another one of those upbeat-about-bad-shit songs. If people in Iowa knew that they were communally dancing that insipid dance to a song about a gold-digging, two-timing whore, they'd probably love it more. Just like they loved Kanye West's "Gold Digger".

Now imagine "My Name is Luca" done in the style of "Gold Digger": "I ain't sayin' he a chil' beater / but he ain't wailin' on no registered voter"

Kanye, babe, call me. You. Me. Big things.




Rocking the balls and ass of the blogging world.
comment #17, posted by Duran at 10/16/2007 3:08pm Reply
Let's not forget "Who Let The Dog's Out" which ominously predicted the Michael Vick scandal. Who? Who? Who? Who let the dog's out. Not Michael Vick, that's for sure.
Ghost of Miami Nights Past
comment #18, posted by jessica who at 10/16/2007 3:22pm Reply
The comedy train just collided head on into the straight-talk express.
Hopefully John Mccain wasn't horribly disfigured in the accident. oh...wait.
comment #19, posted by jsand at 10/16/2007 3:57pm Reply
Songs that predict the future are different from speciously upbeat songs, Duran! My favorite prognosticating songs would be "Man in the Box" and "Them Bones" from Alice in Chains... for obvious reasons.
Rocking the balls and ass of the blogging world.
comment #20, posted by stephanie at 10/17/2007 8:32pm Reply
so i DID go to the grand opening and got a big umbrella (for FREE), and a $20 Off card anything.. it wasn't such a bad deal :)
i also bought a sweet lamp that took me almost all afternoon to put together, and some white ceramic planters with cool plants that make me feel like i'm at the standard hotel!
comment #21, posted by cavo at 10/18/2007 3:10pm Reply
Musical DERAILLLLLLLL

Orlandotch IKEA next month. It's bigger than the Mall it's opening next to.

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