Five Guys Burgers and Fries at Midtown Miami Mall

by Lackner, 01/29/2008

Semifamous burger slophouse Five Guys Burgers and Fries have opened a Midtown Miami location, with Kendall on the way. I'm pretty porcine when it comes to food, so I'm all about unusual burger joints.

Unfortunately, this one sucks. Their burger was ok but no better than the fabled Lackner Double Death Burger. I'm best at creating suffering and not delicious food, so when I can create a better burger than a "famous" chain, I raise an eyebrow. Their fries were good, but not out of this world: they are humiliated and ruined by the the sweet potato fries at the wholly superior Frankitude on Biscayne. Plus, double cheeseburger + large fries (a completely brolic amount; go medium next time) + large soda = $12.50. Joke.

So in summary, please go out of business.

Five Guys Famous Burgers and Fries
3401 North Miami Avenue, Suite 214
Miami, FL 33127
305-571-8345

Comments disabled Tags: Restaurants
There are 22 comments about this post:
comment #0, posted by Niero at 01/29/2008 3:28pm Reply
Couldn't agree more. The entire experience sucks except for the peanuts which feels like a weird afterthought. There's nowhere to put the shells and nothing on the menu has a "signature" taste to crave, no special sauce, no unique combination of bread/cheese/etc. Just a weird vinegar-dispensing apparatus. Ever had fries with dipping vinegar (not vinaigrette)? It's just as disgusting as it sounds!

Save ten bucks and go to Publix, ... you can do better at home.
Okeechobee is for lovers
comment #1, posted by v at 01/29/2008 5:35pm Reply
Sorry, nothing beats One Burger at 376 Alhambra Circle ( I believe?). Best sweet potato fries I've ever had in my life! Kobe Beef burgers, Burgers made with orange juice and blue cheese, Spicy veggie--all pretty "foodgasm-y" Any way, moral of the story: Replace all Five Guys with more One Burgers.
comment #2, posted by Lackner at 01/29/2008 5:38pm Reply
Someone else was ranting about that place (Duran maybe?).. I'll have to check it out..
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comment #3, posted by Lgm1213 at 01/29/2008 6:04pm Reply
5 guys sucks balls..... i don't know why they are spreading further into florida
comment #4, posted by Lackner at 01/29/2008 6:06pm Reply
I don't know how they won all those awards.. Fkn peanut disaster
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comment #5, posted by yellowpez at 01/29/2008 7:42pm Reply
franktitude sucks too, their bread is chewy and they're called "franktitude" instead of "frankitude". derrrr.
comment #6, posted by Lackner at 01/29/2008 8:30pm Reply
Good point about the bread, I hadn't thought about that. They can probably toast the bread for you if you ask - they told me they'd toast a complete Ultimate, which was such an unusual thought I ran away and took ten showers.
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comment #7, posted by Jim at 02/12/2008 11:21am Reply
You are an absolute idiot! You wouldn't know good food if you tripped over it. The burgers are top notch and the fries are amazing. Frankitude is like eating a soggy lump of dung. As for the price is $12.50 for all that food breaks your bank, you should get a better job.
comment #8, posted by Lackner at 02/12/2008 11:25am Reply
If you're paying $12.50 for a disgusting, greasy hamburger from a shitshop with rude, uneducated Checkers-sourced staff and PUBLIC PEANUT BASKETS, then fuck yeah $12.50 is too much.
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comment #9, posted by David Griff at 02/12/2008 11:35am Reply
I think you are confusing this place with somewhere else. I normally do not argue with an idiot because they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience but under the circumstances I will not let you have the last word. First, the burger and fries I had were remarkably ungreasy and reminded me of In-N-Out on the west coast but better. The staff was the opposite of rude they took a lot of time to talk me through the menu and although I did not take a survey on their educational backgrounds each person I spoke to was engaging and articulate. So, I respectfully disagree. Moreover, your anger against "Checkers" workers seems to demonstrate other deep seeded problems but thats for you to sort out. I try not to judge people on where they work. As for the peanuts if you are that afraid of the public why go out. You have a greater likelihood of picking up germs from entering the front door. My recommendation to you would be to relax. Youre clearly way to wound up. Its just a burger joint.
comment #10, posted by B.A.C. at 02/12/2008 11:50am Reply
$12 dollars for ground meat........I don't think i need to make an argument.
I am the eggman
comment #11, posted by Lackner at 02/12/2008 11:51am Reply
David,

First, I'd like to know why you had to post from the same IP but with two different names.

Second, I'd like to know why you're posting from the Washington DC area, despite the fact that we're talking about Miami.

Third, I'd like to suggest you're an employee from Five Guys, since you folks are located out in the DC Metro area.

Fourth, I'd like to thank you for something great I can post - since you clearly haven't had the unfortunate experience of eating at the Five Guys in Midtown. :)

- Tom
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comment #12, posted by Jimmy Juice at 02/12/2008 12:01pm Reply
I ate at the Midtown Store. It was a good burger. It was not overcooked. The fries were thick and flavorful (cajun style) and not soggy. The service was just ok -- this is MIAMI after all.

Saying this place sucked is extreme, not to mention non-descriptive, and I think there are certain people who will never be satisfied except with their own concoctions.

Also, the burgers are not $12, at least not at Midtown place - My cheeseburger alone was under $5. The meat is fresh, the toppings are fresh, the bread is good.

If you want a $12 burger, go to Houston's (and pay a tip). If you want a good $5 burger and fries better than anywhere in this town, then Fiveguys is a good place.
comment #13, posted by David Griff at 02/12/2008 12:07pm Reply
LOL. I am a consultant that lives in Coral Gables and work for a firm that has offices here in Miami, DC, NYC, Boston and all over California. I am working in DC as we speak. So nice try. I have to laugh that you would think I am an employee. That is funny. Damn funny. The last time I worked in the restaurant business I was 16 years old. That was over 20 years ago. My office is on Brickell Avenue and I have read your blog for quite some time but when I came across this I had to bust your balls. You review was wrong. Dead wrong. So, please post it. I think it speaks for itself. As for my experience, its not made up the guy who helped me there was named Omar or something similar. He was a very kind African American guy. Now I have to get back to work flipping burgers. Lol...
comment #14, posted by Lackner at 02/12/2008 12:09pm Reply
Jimmy,

Since you appear to at least possibly be a real person (and not a Five Guys employee possibly astroturfing on Miami Nights), I'd beg you to compare the burger at Five Guys to something you can actually get for the same amount of money in that area - it's no better. I said above in the original post, the burger was "ok" but just ok. And the bag my fries came in (wtf do they serve you in a takeout bag if you're eating in anyway?) was transparent with grease after just a few minutes. If a burger chain is going to call itself famous, the burden of proof is on them to deliver.
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comment #15, posted by Lackner at 02/12/2008 12:11pm Reply
Oh believe me David, I'm sure you aren't a burger flipper. :) You still haven't explained why you posted with two different names..
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comment #16, posted by David Griff at 02/12/2008 12:20pm Reply
As for the name, I normally give fake names when I blog but after seeing your arrogant responses about hardworking people, I got annoyed. I have a major problem with people who belittle hardworking Americans. And well the Burger was good. So Sherlock Holmes your accusations are wrong but amusing. Now, I had better get back to the grind. I will see you around the scene and say hello with a burger in hand. Lol....
comment #17, posted by william at 06/21/2008 11:14pm Reply
i travel with my job and have eaten at many burger joints thru-out the last 5 years and five guys is
one of the worst i have ever eaten, the peanuts are ok though. as far as them expanding, bad idea!
i would think that with all the concerns with health, this type of burger joint would be going out of business!
comment #18, posted by Dave7077 at 03/15/2009 7:26pm Reply
FIVE GUYS AND FRIES......SUCK!!...IT IS ASS....ASS WILL TASTE BETTER....DONOT GET IT....I AM IN CENTRAL FLORIDA WHERE THE WORST RESTRAUNTS IN THE WORLD ARE....UNBELIEVEABLE TO ME THAT THIS EVEN OPENED.....SAVE YOUR $$$ GO BURGER KING....COOK AT HOME...ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN FIVE GUYS....
comment #19, posted by Dave7077 at 03/27/2009 7:33pm Reply
THE FIVE GUYS OWNERS SHOULD BE IN JAIL FOR SERVING NASTY FOOD!!.....IT IS TYPICAL FLORIDA NASTY FOOD....ONE OF THE MAIN PROBLEMS IN FLORIDA ESPECIALLY CENTRAL FLORIDA IS ALL THE NEW YORKERS AND RED NECKS.....THE EAST COAST IS ABOUSTLEY THE WORST PLACE FOR FOOD, NY IS THE WORST....NOW YOU TAKE A FLORIDIAN...A FLORDIAN IS THE SOUTH..THEY ARE USE TO EATING FROGS AND ALIGATORS.....THAT IS THE PROBLEM...i WILL ACTUALLY ORDER FOOK THROUGH THE MAIL...PIZZA...STEAKS ECT.....WHAT IS REALLY BAD I AM IN THE REDNECK MELBOURNE FLORIDA AREA.....NASTY NASTY RESTARUANTS IN THIS AREA.....SAD BUT TRUE.....NOW THEY OPEN A FIVE GUYS...FIVE GUYS IS A DISGRACE TO A HAMBURGER....IT IS LIKE A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY BEING IN FLORIDA.....THE ONLY THING IT HAS GOING IS THE WEATHER AND BEACHES......FOOD IS NASTY ALL OVER....THE PIZZA ALSO....THEY HAVE THESE NASTY PIZZA PLACES HERE CALLED BIZZAROS....IT IS THE WORST PIZZA I HAVE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE.....NOW FIVE GUYS IS MOST LIKELY THE WORST HAMBURGER I HAVE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE......ALSO IT IS WAY WAY WAY OVER PRICED......
comment #20, posted by W at 07/16/2009 10:09pm Reply
You would'nt know a great burger if it jumped up and bit you in the butt!!1 Don't be jealous because someone beat you to the punch!!! Flipping morons.

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