MiamiNights - Miami Night Clubs, Nightlife

No matter how much I might love a nightclub, I have a complaint about every club's bathroom. Allow me to outline them for you, at length. 

Amendment 21 - Your bathroom is pretty good, but there is low water pressure, and 2 stalls is not sufficient for busy times. Add a third with a urinal. 

Automatic Slims - You're lovable despite your bathroom. Long path through the drunks, and last time I went, there was an open garbage bag laying on the ground like David Hasselhoff where a garbage can would be. And the bathroom stall divider was broken down. And so everyone was watching everyone defecate. It was very postmodern. 

Blue - Standing in the bathroom line at Blue is part of the Blue experience. That bathroom is huge; surely it could be split in two? And the lock fixed? Love you guys anyway. 

Bricks - Upstairs: Your bathroom is a good size. Your bathroom attendant is friendly. There should be more stalls, but at least it's a decent size and it locks decently.

Buck15 -  I appreciate what you are trying to do, and the downstairs bathrooms are spotless, but can we get a fireman's pole that we can slide down to get to them instead of using the incredibly long staircase?

Cafeteria - The downstairs bathroom? Many sneaking-in-with-girls memories. Too bad it's always piss-soaked. But the fixtures are so stylish I'll forgive you. The upstairs is just about perfect, but it's a long trip. 

Cameo/Crobar - Your bathroom is too small, and there aren't enough of them for the size of the venue. The bathroom guy is ok but the guidos are always pestering him and it annoys me to watch. There is a hole at ceiling level between the mens and the womens, which makes me think old hags are going to peep at my penis across the divider.

Circa28 - I love the downstairs bathroom. The coffin-stall is great and comforting, I could hang out in there forever. The upstairs bathrooms are confusing and scary. 

Dek23 - Though I like your bathroom fixtures a lot, there should be another stall; the line is always long. The stalls aren't ventilated - I won't go into detail. 

Flavor - Your second stall (by the urinal) is too small. The bathroom guy is great. The other stall is great. The urinals are too close to each other, causing homo-erotic elbow rubbing.

Funkshion - I heard the bathroom by the DJ booth was once the cool place to be, but now we have to wander through the labyrinth. For shame. The walls of the bathroom stalls are a bit low, but overall it's ok. The bathroom guy has a good personality.  

Karu & Y Lounge - Your bathroom is really well made, like the rest of the club, but the guy annoys me. The locks on the glass doors sometimes don't work properly, which causes the metal to grind on the glass, which freaks me the fuck out. It also slams a little hard. One day someone is going to break it. I like the unusually-colored toilets.

Glass - Your bathroom makes me feel like I am about to be molested by a Harvard admissions adviser. The bathroom guy is surprisingly annoying, considering the setting of the room.  

I/O - The doors never close correctly. Your bathroom attendant was annoying. It was warm.

Lounge16 - Your sinks never worked. Your toilet barely flushed. The door didn't lock. 

Love Hate -  Your bathrooms are always clean and work well, and I usually don't have to wait. Why don't you move the guy's table toward the back door instead of where it is, because it blocks up the hallway?

Mansion - Ahhh, the endless hallway bathroom. It's hard to complain about this one - there's enough room to sneak past the attendant if you don't have the $1, and there's rarely a wait. The only weird part is when all the pretentious Boca girls are chatting on their cellphone in that weirdly decorated holding tank when you come out of the mens' room covered in urine.

Mark, The - Your bathroom attendant is annoying. His table is too wide for the hallway. There's a third bathroom but it's always locked, leading to incredibly long delays. The bathroom floor is always wet. 

Mokai - Your large stall is too large; it's bigger than my apartment. Very clean and works well. The bathroom guy is somewhat annoying, but I can tolerate it. The bathroom is in a weird location and you have to trip over people waiting for drinks to get in. 

Mynt - Your bathroom is perfect. You need more of them. It's dark and I get pee on my hands. 

Nikki Beach - I like the concept of your bathrooms but it's just too warm and downmarket for your audience.  

Nocturnal - Your large stall is good, but the floor is always wet, and the sink is always broken. The garbage can is full of drug paraphernalia and vomit. The bathroom guy is annoying. It's always warm.

Pawn Shop, The - You need to fix the door locks on the three stalls. The middle one is always broken. You drywalled off the handicapped bathroom. You locked the two individual bathrooms; these were the best, though the floor was always wet.

POST - Duran always tries to convince me I'm in the closet, and when I'm in your bathroom stall, I really am. Please get a real door. The bathroom guy is a bit too close for comfort but I can deal with it. Lines are reasonable for men, unreasonable for women. 

Prive - I appreciate how clean your bathrooms are, and the attendants are rather laid back. The line for the red room bathroom is always too long. 

Purdy Lounge - The bathroom of the primary restroom (with the urinals) is always wet with piss and vomit, which is dried and caked onto the walls. The individual stall is great. I hate the sofa, because you end up making awkward eye contact with the people who are sitting there while you wait for the bathroom. 

Rokbar - You only have one stall; you need at least two. The bouncer standing by the bathroom door scares me. Why do you have so much storage in the stall? Every time I go in there I'm left puzzling over why any nightclub would keep a band saw in the bathroom. It is distracting. The sink is messed up. The urinal is positioned in a weird way, causing homo-erotic penis-peeping while washing hands.

Set - I like your bathrooms a lot, and there is never a line, though they are kind of hard to get to due to the wall-to-wall customers. The weird pig heads freak me out a little but it's nice to have something to look at other than ones own genitals, I suppose. 

Soho Lounge - Your bathrooms are in a terrible state of disrepair, which matches the rest of the club perfectly. No working stall door locks, broken mirrors, broken faucets.  

Space - The sink in the large stall is always turned off. You have just enough urinals and stalls. Decent bathroom guys. 

Studio A - You have plenty of stalls and urinals. The bathroom guy is among my favorite. The floor is always wet between the large stall and the west-most small stall. The graffiti depresses me. The upper lock on the large stall door is broken.

Suite - Your bathroom is a great size, and the guy is ok. The north-most stall's door does not work properly. Another bathroom toward the front of the south room would be a great addition. Overall, on the right track, though the configuration of the mirrors in the doorway freaks me out.

Twilo - Your bathroom is of a good size. The bathroom guy is not annoying. There are not enough stalls. Half naked guys are always doing drugs in the open at the urinals.