Just a quick note here to bring you some super huge news. The greying and experienced Winter Music Conference attendees among us know how hard it is to keep your WMC plans organized in your brain once you've fried it up a bit with too many sleepless nights and fumes from obnoxious Euro kids. Finally we're bringing you a solution.
We've teamed up with the good folks at Salt River Studio to bring you the MiamiNights Music Conference iPhone App. Expect it to be available in about a week. More details coming soon.
A new party is starting tonight in the downtown Performing Arts District. Sadly, this isn't a very common occurrence these days so take note.
The Rub Out at White Room, which describes itself as an indie dance party, was created to bring back the fun days of five years ago when the music you heard in the hipster clubs leaned more toward indie rock rather than electronic dance music and open format as it does now. DJs Eddy Darko and the Haitian Hillbilly will be playing along with live act King Bee. $6 PBR + shot specials will be offered, intended to get people rolling around on the ground moaning and whimpering.
We don't generally talk about the performing arts on Miami Nights, nor do we really care for culturally significant anything unless by culture you mean drunk and shameless Europeans invading Miami during WMC. On occasion however we remember exactly how old we are and realize that perhaps our culture-less lives have been a waste.
In order to assuage our fear that we are walking nightlife zombies doomed to roam the downtrodden streets of Downtown Miami forever we provide you with something culturally related. In this case a way to win cheap tickets to Wicked, some sort of play about witches and flying monkeys. Details below.
WICKED ANNOUNCES LOTTERY FOR $25 SEATS
A day-of-performance lottery for a limited number of orchestra seats will be held daily for WICKED, which will be performing from March 3 – 21, 2010 at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts of Miami-Dade County. Each day, 2½ hours prior to show time patrons who present themselves at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts Ziff Ballet Opera House box office will have their names placed in a lottery drum and then thirty minutes later, names will be drawn for a limited number of orchestra seats at $25 each, cash only. This lottery is available only in-person at the box office, with a limit of two tickets per person.
God fucking damn it. The Jersey Shore sideshow act is officially coming to Miami in the coming weeks as has been extensively rumored. I've heard they will be confined to the Clevelander (most likely as a way for MTV to have another channel of revenue from running the freak show) but even that isn't assuaging my fears about how they will leak like fetid toxic discharge into places I want to go. It's sad and revolting that MTV has completely succumbed to the lures of least common denominator television programming - even if they attempt to be self-aware about the whole situation.
South Beach's favorite little dive bar -- well, one of them at least -- is apparently headed toward closure. Yelp members report that the building has been sold and they are closing their doors. I'm not a big dive bar fan (I prefer to get raped by gangs of trannies in alleys rather than filthy bathrooms, because I feel like the cool night breeze helps air out my wounds) but there was something peculiarly charming about this place. Perhaps it was the balls of a place that can be uppity about $9-a-glass imported beer while simultaneously serving only White Castle burgers and peanuts on their food menu.
In any case, this is another symptom of Miami Beach's slow descent into safe commercial boredom. I know it's already a lost cause for much of the beach but it's still pretty sad to see. We'll miss you, Abbey.
Sidenote: I couldn't find a good photo of this place despite the hordes of camera-equipped tourists that prowl this area, and the domain name for their website has long since expired. Dive bar status to the end!
[Editor's note: Welcome JonJon, our new resident house music fan! Someone's gotta do it.. -lackner]
March is finally here and we all know what that means, "Miami Season" has officialy begun. Here is when all the fun really begins. Not that it really ever stops but, you all know what I mean. Between the beach being packed with a very diverse crowd (which lets say 75% consisting of drunk college white girls) from every corner of the US every weekend, to Nikki Beach becoming every ones routine subsituting Sunday school, the weather finally warming up, and lets not forget the very exciting Winter Music Conference blessing this city during the last week of the month. Everything really just begins to feel right about this time of the year. This is time of year when we actually start to take those 34 Event Invitations waiting on our Facebooks seriously. So lets get the sunblock ready, stock up on our bathing suits, and hit the gym hard to bulk up our birthday suits because we've all got some interesting day and nights ahead of us!
Welcome to Florida, the most unfriendly gay state in the nation (arguably?). Aside from the most obvious gay hating aspect of our state: Florida has no statewide law prohibiting discrimination; its constitution prohibits gay marriage; and, it is the only state in the union that forbids gays from adopting children. Pretty shitty huh? Second class humans just because they're gay.
Now we learn that the state legislature is actually gonna penalize film makers who have gay characters in their film by denying them tax credits which essentially says: Keep your fags outta Florida you elitist film makers! I think it's time us South Floridians came together and seceded from our masters in the pan-handle, Tallahassee. If there any evidence that they are just so completely out of touch with us Southerners then Think Progress has details.
I'm a bit late to the party on this one (as always) but I just saw something jarring on Rakontur: hidden camera video of Tremont Towing criminals staffers going through the trunks of cars they've towed! It's not news any more but the more I can do to undermine those scumbag towing companies (who basically give you no recourse to complain if you ever want your car back) is good in my book, so I'm posting it anyway.
I enjoy a lot of things in life; Drinking, smoking, travelling, lascivious women etc etc. But above all else was the ability to wake up in the morning, drive to my local pain clinic and get my mixed salad of prescription drugs (It even came in a Romain Lettuce pack sometimes, weird huh?).
Thanks to those pesky government watchdogs (Teabaggers UNITE!) my local mill has been seized and closed. Lackner and I have convened an emergency meeting tonight in Downtown to discuss next steps in the wake of this tragic news. If you happen to know another mill, please email us. As for tonight, we will be opening the Mixed Salad bags and gorging ourselves to overcome the extreme sadness that came with this news. You are welcome to join. Afterwards (those who are still alive) we will be consuming not safe for human amounts of alcohol.
Tonight is the grand opening of The Strip, a new lounge on Lincoln Road with an unusual twist. Occupying the old (and dearly missed at times) O Asian Grill -- nee Rumi -- space, The Strip aims to provide a "neo-Burlesque" experience mixing in live performance, comedy, some nakey womenz, and traditional dance music. Sound strange? General Manager James Butler explains more in this unusually softballish interview on NBC Nite Talk.
Will it work? The former O venue is in a great location and has an unusual layout with some amazing dramatic qualities. In the past this has both helped and hurt the lessee because these quirks (namely: terrible floor layout, bar surface availability and customer flow) have made it difficult to turn a solid profit there, but these quirks may work in favor of The Strip's unusual plans.
On the other hand, Burlesque is second only to "\../ LIVE MUSIC BRO!!! \../" as an alternative Miami club concept that is often tried but hard to get right. The ideal format for this space would combine elements of Pawn Shop's eclectic, kooky customer experience with a creative director that has a solid grasp of interactive performance and the ability to "read" the atmosphere and adapt the show to suit. I'm picturing someone from Cirque du Soleil who had a nasty run-in with middle aged drug and alcohol abuse. The team there would be wise to remember that drunk obnoxious tourists and felonious Miami club patrons do not have the most delicate palate for artistic innovation and show.
I'll retire from my arm chair club owner responsiblities for tonight: see you at the grand opening!
Someone sound the alarm and break out the Valtrex. Like a pesky case of herpes, we're back. Since the last time I came on here to spout off about all the fun goings-ons around town I feel bemused to say that not much has really changed. I am cloaked with a been there/done that attitude about nightlife. This is not to say that I haven't been able to enjoy it (big ups to my peeps at the vodka distillery and the old faithfuls of 14th street) I just have been feeling like everything is just a rehashing of what has already been done.
So you can imagine my surprise when I was told about a gay fter-hours in (shocker of all shockers) Shenandoah. Nuzzled between a Chiropractor's office and an Italian restaurant on Coral Way is Cafe Bohemio. The patio out front is seemingly nondescript. It isn't until you walk that you get the full effect of this place. Note: this is not the place to go to listen to awesome new music, or to see and be seen, or any of that other contrived bullshit that seems to dominate the nightlife scene. This place is about keeping the party going.
I got the notion that like the frat guys I used to "tutor" back in college, it's on the "DL". There are no promoters, no flyers, no ad's whatsoever. It's all word of mouth.The music is straight off of El Sol 95 and the crowd is random melange of trannies taking there wig off after work, green card toting patrons, and random people just having a good as fuck time. Boys who like boys who like girls dressed up as boys dressed up as drag queens who like rich men who like hookers who like gang bangers who like hipster girls who like boys that look like girls who like lesbians that eat pastelitos all come together at this little gem of a watering hole.
I'm not gonna over analyze this shit cause that's what people who care do. I just have a few comments:
-The poor people of OT are stupid.
-There is no hope for the district and we should just put a giant Maneki Neko in the seat permanently.
-Shave her dreds and hold them aloft like William Wallace in Braveheart as a warning to those who would disturb the new permanent beloved commissioner giant Maneki Neko.
-Turn her Friends of MLK nonprofit into a strip bar in OT for the enjoyment of masses. Put that bribery money to work in a way that helps the community!
-Keep The Giant Maneki Neko clean and shiny because if you don't the district will fall into disrepair.........
My 954 friends -- and I use that term loosely -- are always yapping at me about how Broward is great place to live with tons of fun things to do, a lot of running water and air conditioning, etc. I laugh it off of course, like when a homeless person says they are hungry and not just going to buy crack, but I guess the joke is on me. Things are definitely in the air in Broward:
It seems that the completely barbaric but totally hilarious law that kept a ton of lusty pedophiles locked up in their makeshift camp on the Julia Tuttle has been changed. The New Times reports that the child lovers are being scattered about like dust in the wind, and receiving 6 months of free rent for their troubles as well. I had a lot of grand ideas for pretentious photo projects with these dudes -- no, not those kinds of photo projects -- but I guess I'll have to wait for a comic book/anime convention to get that many pedos in one place again.
Well, that was oddly refreshing. Have you ever heard the term "pearls before swine?" I hadn't either, but my bored-looking psychiatrist told me to read a lot of books to get my mind off of things and I that's where I got it from. I got tired, really really tired, of being a participant in the useless echo chamber of Miami's nightlife scene. Talking about something gives it credibility and we were doing a lot of talking about things that weren't credible (and definitely weren't incredible). It was eating away at my soul, which was already really tiny and crusty and black, and I needed a break.
To my surprise no one rushed in to fill the void. The big media outlets tried hard to look indie and unique but, like so many pretentious experiments in this city, it's painful to watch.
So welcome back to Miami Nights. Our new focus is being less commercial, less caring, and less polite than before -- if that's even possible. Enjoy.
No need to break out the defibrillators folks. We here at Miami Nights have not died. No we did not get trapped inn the rubble of the Pawn Shop demolition. No we did not get abducted by aliens, or move to New York. We have merely been figuring out how to unearth Lackner from his hole. You see with the end of days upon us (as evident by the water and ice bombs that almighty god has unleashed on us over the last month) Lackner has gone all retro Y2K and started preparing for the apocalypse hording canned food, saving anything flammable for potential kindling, and (don’t tell I told you) but his bathroom has been transformed into a dungeon of sorts where poor unsuspecting Davie girls are fed Quaaludes and taco bell while the Wizard of Oz plays on repeat. Well fear not faithful readers, we have not forsaken you.Equipped with my fan and fabulous secret powers I, like gay Moses, shall guide the flock through the desert of nightlife crap (does anyone even go to Set anymore?) and into Shangri La (the door is behind the stage at PS 14 in case you missed the memo).
We're very excited to bring you this one-off special event to remember the incredible times we had at Pawn Shop. I still can't believe all these details came together at the last minute to make this happen.
Get there early, before midnight - space will be limited.
I'm gonna make this short. I was not blessed with the ablity to rant like Lackner nor the ability to coerce under age girls so here are your Saturday night WMC suggestions:
Get Physical Miami @ Studio K (formerly Studio A) featuring: M.A.N.D.Y vs Booka Shade, Matthew Dear, AudioFly, Italoboyz and more. In our my opinion the best ongoing party during WMC for the past few years. Don't believe me? See last years Get Physical Miami for yourself.
Fool's Gold @ The White Room featuring: A-Trak, Nick Catchdubs, DJ Mehdi, LA Riots and many more. It's FREE. Do yourself a favor and listen to us.
Sasha @ Shine in the Shelborne Hotel. I know generally we don't endorse trance but Sasha is a legend. Just do it if you are afraid of the homeless in Downtown Miami.
Have fun and be safe! And remember, just cause a panhandler is literate doesn't mean they aren't out to get ya....Ha just kidding, Miami is truly safer Sarajevo. Really.....
WMC rolls into Friday with more amazing acts. Are you dead yet? I hope not. I sort of am.
Dirtybird and Motership @ The Doubletree Grand: Delightful talent on the water including Claude Vonstroke, Justin Martin, Jesse Rose, Christian Martin and Worthy. Noon to midnight. More information and tickets.
Spectral Sound @ Glass: Audion, Kate Simko, Seth Troxler, Lee Curtiss, Konrad Black. More info and tickets.
Erol Alkan @ Vagabond: Whoa. Amazingly talented and eccentric DJ/producer Erol Alkan with friends Dave P, JDH, and Riton, to say nothing of Late of the Pier. And Rye Rye for some reason. More information and tickets.
Crosstown Rebels @ Electric Pickle: Afterhours at Electric Pickle! Demigods Damian Lazarus, Jamie Jones, Clive Henry. More info and tickets.
If you see me out, poke me with a stick to ensure that I am alive and not just a warm corpse. Thank you.
Welcome to Miami Nights. We've been antagonizing and overanalyzing
the Miami and South Beach club scene since WMC 2006. Once we sober up we
also cover the arts, dining, real estate and shopping.
