Miami Nights

Before all the Winter Music Conference hoopla starts, I want to have a serious discussion with you, my readers. I think I can learn to accept trends like the sunglasses at night phenomenon, or the way-too-tight man tanks, maybe even the Euro-trash music trends that will be forced upon us next week. However, I will not and cannot continue to accept the use of glowsticks at any WMC event.

Face it, you look stupid. I know, you are high out of your mind and the colors look pretty. But guess what? You aren't wearing Caffeine anymore and JNCO jeans are probably as cool now as Wrangler jeans at Wal-Mart. I don't want to have to dodge out of the way every time your glowsticks-on-a-string twirls uncontrollably. Glowsticks should be relegated back to their original use, to be clipped on a life jacket when you are lost at sea in the middle of the night.

Glowsticks naturally encourage other stupid trends as well, like the use of pacifiers and lollipops to stop the uncontrollable grinding of your teeth. Guess what, chewing gum probably works just as well. Also, Cat in the Hat hats, yea it was stupid back then and it's still stupid now. Multi-colored dreadlocks. Can't black people have anything to themselves without whitey trying to steal it and make it their own? Platform shoes. Try re-watching at Spice Girls video, I can't believe anyone would have walked out of the house like that. T-shirts with alien or fairy designs. Need I say more?

So please, join me in my quest to kill this trend once and for all. Next time you see some "raver" (do we still use that term?) taking up 30 percent of the dancefloor because he has decided to show people his dancing skills from 1999, punch him please. You are doing humanity a favor.