And of course there is nobody like The Dude over at Finsnation.com that could put it so eloquently.
I expected him to flop around the dance floor like a moose that had just been hit with a tranquilizer dart. Instead, JT was graceful, lithe, with a hint of charming sophistication. I was enchanted.
Jason Taylor is in this seasons Dancing with the Stars. I personally didn't watch JT foxtrot his way into the viewers screens but I know my mum watches that shit so I could hear her through my sound proof room screaming "Oh my god hijo it's that black dude from the Miami Dolphins"! I love my mum, she may be Peruvian but she's there with me on Sundays drinking beers and watching the damn greatest football team ever suck ass year after year. Anyhow I leave you with another gem by the dude (I highly suggest you read his posts, he's a riot):
.....I was even hoping the judges would come out and agree with me that JT was all kinds of awesome and give him a perfect score, as I had already done in my heart. And while he did get favorable scores from the three judges (7-8-7), it wasn't a perfect score. That shit annoyed me to no end. I don't know if standards are usually high on the show. I don't know if they've ever scored higher than a 9. But after they gave their respective scores, I found myself saying to the three judges -- out loud mind you, "Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you." I was officially hooked in.
Since the tragedy then triumph over a diagnosis of breast cancer, Kylie has laid low except for a few business ventures made purely to hold her over in the cash flow department. She has made a children's book, a stunning documentary about her life, and a greatest hits compilation which contains that wonderful Scissor Sisters collaboration. Kylie fans across the world were at their feet waiting for her next move. Little did they know she was prepping some of the hottest producers at the moment, and getting ready to provide us with a shimmering collection of exquisite tracks.
"X" is the appropriately titled tenth studio long player from Miz Minouge. It opens up with a glitzy array of rock and synths on her new single "2 Hearts". At first you're not sure what to think of this "re-invented" Kylie, is this mediocre track what we should expect to see on the charts? Sure enough, the thud of bass rings in, then the big drop takes over and "Like A Drug" leaps in unleashing an incredible sample of the 1981 classic, "Fade To Grey" by Visage. "In My Arms" is a classic Kylie track that makes you fall in love with her all over again. "Speakerphone" would be her most ambitious track off this album. An extremely robotized Kylie commands to "Drop your socks, and grab your mini boom-box". This track totally puts anything off that Britney album to shame!
With a familiar turn of knobs, the Calvin Harris produced "Heart Beat Rock" kicks in. She knew exactly what she was doing when she gave this guy a call. This track is incredible and like any other Harris production makes you shake the rump. "The One" is just what everyone has been waiting for all their lives. It's the best track off this album and contains a high energy disco inspired pulsating beat incorporating Kylie's magical voice that is sure to get some hefty remixing done to it; keep in mind the song should be left alone all together. "All I See" sounds like a Janet Jackson reject, which is really not a problem. Kylie does R&B with complete justice, making you realize the track was always intended for the little Australian princess.
Other highlights off "X" include "Nu-di-ty", a whopping garage house track complete with wobbled horns courtesy of super duo Bloodshy & Avant. "Stars", another of those synth rock influenced tracks. "Wow", a campy and cheesy track that a Kylie album would be incomplete without. And a few others have been thrown in there to continue the joy. Out of forty or so tracks which had been made for this album, the final thirteen are really terrific. I'm a bit upset the tracks Mylo had produced didn't make the cut; they are equally if not better than some of the tracks that did make the cut.
I've never been a raging Kylie Minogue fan. I'm simply a music lover that will give credit where credit is most certainly due. After one of the biggest comebacks in history, surviving breast cancer, and being just the cutest little Aussie ever, Miz Minogue has won me over. It helps that she turned it out like a "Streisand ticket holding, friend of Dorothy", and has crafted a masterpiece using twinkling stars in the sky.
The first time I met Jason Tyler he shoved me into the bar at Pawnshop because I was taking too long to order my Jack & Coke. Two drinks later he came at me again with a promo copy of his upcoming CD Model Tested Rockstar Approved and whispered in my ear, “Watch your back Ryle.”
The second time I saw him I was convinced that I could provoke a battle out of the Chicago dj/producer. On a crowded Thursday night at the Mark I marched right up to him and this time I whispered to him, “No you watch your back Tyler.” Our eyes locked and there was this Discover Channel like moment of two male rams meeting in the wilderness. Friend or Foe? I could hear the Mortal Combat theme playing in my head. Would I have to use my special secret move? Right back right attack up and unleash my psychic force. Tyler quickly retreated to the dj booth where he grabbed his secret weapon (aka his trumpet) and did his crazy Thunder Cats Hoooo style of a solo call. Next thing I knew I was surrounded by a team of sexy black haired hipster girls that would not let me leave the dance floor. I was out numbered and out sexed. I was surrounded by his bass heavy licks and lipstick dance floor followers. He was smart and every transition was perfectly beat matched. I was swept away.
I promised myself I’d get even for falling under his evil sound wave spell. I’ll have my chance this week. He’s schedule to do his sound splicing and electro house shaking tonight, Tuesday Aug 14th, when he drops his disco bomb on an unsuspecting Spiderpussy @ PS 14. So help me god I’ll stand there in the corner and curse his electro heart. I don’t care if he’s the Chosen One!
Being trapped in a broken Metromover car for 30 minutes in the sweltering (A/C-less) heat with the most rag-tag group of retards, felons and construction workers you've ever seen. Now my hair is a disaster and I desperately require a chemical shower to remove all traces of the proletariat.
