Ladies and gentleman, after the four-club nightmare-disaster-excursion that was my suicide-provoking attempt at something that could be confused for a life last night, I suggest we clear our palates and renew our damaged auras with some nice champagne at one of the following venues. Onward.
Eyes Wide Shut-style thing at Stereo. That means we're going to be wearing masks, having sex with hookers, and teabagging weird old New York politicians. Also, over-acting. (Just kidding, I loved that movie. It made me feel much less guilty about having sex with 12 year old Russian prostitutes.) If any seminaked dudes whisper "Fidelio" to you, run the hell out of there, even though that would probably be me. It's hosted by Spannk Magazine which I don't know enough about to comment on (first time ever?), and the flyer is here.
Update: It just occurred to me, this is the perfect opportunity to wear a cape. Finally! Capes are the new fingerless gloves. Where the hell do I buy a cape? It's times like this I wish I hadn't blocked all my goth buddies on AIM.
Rosa Cha fashion show at Glass. (Glass, not Grass.) Orlando A. and Greg T., formerly of Vice on Fridays, are throwing a new upscale Friday at Glass. They started last week but I couldn't go because I was expelling the contents of my stomach in the bathroom at Stereo. (Just kidding, I kept it all together last Friday. Finally! I promise I won't make that mistake this time.) This week they are having a swim wear fashion show. Many beautiful and glamorous women, almost completely nude but for a few wisps of fabric, will be up on a stage, actualizing and exemplifying the war of the sexes and inherent power imbalance that we, as single men, must contend with, in the interest of open discourse and to provoke sexual arousal from the audience of men. I've been told that, at the end of the show, all of the single males who are of breeding age are going to be chained together and forced to supplicate in the form of building a huge fire of all of their money and worldly possessions, and then castrate themselves over a stone altar that is inscribed with ancient sigils depicting the feminine goddess, the moon, a jaguar, and a bushel of flowers in a weird fertility rite. In other words, the usual fashion show stuff. (Just kidding about the fire of money, but the rest is all true.) Here's the flyer
Also this really weird Aquabooty thing which appears to be doing drugs in a circus funhouse.
We're mobbin. Get money.
It starts tonight with Tera Patrick at Vice, the upstairs of Cameo. The party is presented by Ciroc and features DJ Irie and Louis Dee.
It continues tomorrow at Glass. We're giving away a free bottle for the official eXXXotica Afterparty at Glass, featuring Jesse Jane and Gina Lynn. They'll be prancing around like ponies and balancing things on their heads and being immoral.
