Miami Nights

Since I don't know squat about fashion and considering my closet is besieged by t-shirts, oily rags, beloved pet's remains and whatnot I won't do the industry the dishonor of pretending. So, below is the schedule for Funkshion Fashion Week Miami Beach. You can RSVP @ rsvp@funkshion.com and get more details at funkshion.com. Here is the schedule and lineup:

FUNKSHION FASHION WEEK MIAMI BEACH
Spring/Summer '09 Collections Runway Shows!
October 1-4th, 2008
All shows at Miami Beach Botanical Garden unless noted otherwise

SCHEDULE:

WED 10/1
• 8pm VANIDADES Magia De La Moda
• 9pm Bejeweled Swimwear at The Setai
• 10pm Bejeweled After Party at The Setai

THU 10/2
• 6pm Dragana Ognjenovic
• 7pm Saya
• 8pm Red Dress GO RED FOR WOMEN
• 9pm Kurru Kurru at the Setai
• 10pm Kurru Kurru After Party at The Setai
• Midnight Mat Jeans at Gansevoort

FRI 10/3
• 6pm Emerging Designers Fashion Show
• 6:30pm Body Up
• 7pm Ever After
• 8pm Kira Plastenina
• 9pm Argyle Culture by Russel Simmons at The Setai
• 10pm Russel Simmons after party at The Setai

SAT 10/4
• 6pm COOKIE Fashion Show for kids
• 7pm Keva
• 8pm Richie Rich
• 9pm Fisico by Christina Ferrari at Setai
• 10pm Fisico by Christina Ferrari after party at The Setai hosted by Inside Fashion World magazine

Is there any doubt as to which football team in te nation has the hottest cheerleaders? HELL NO. Walking through Publix today I caught a glimpse of the 2008 Dolphin Cheerleader Swimsuit Calendar and it stopped me in my tracks. I've already put my order down. Click the link above and check out Ashton, Ariana and Christina to name a few. Finsnation has some video's of the beauties here. Oh, and check Iveiry (by far the hottest IMO).

Ya ya, we all hear it in Miami. What do you do for a living you ask a moderately pretty girl at a bar or club with the same tired answer "Well I work at American Apparel but I just do that to support my modeling career"....Pfffft...Everyone's a model in Miami but after seeing the quality of models at this show (click the slide show link) I have to seriously question the "talent" we have here in Miami. Anyway I digress. If you claim, think, aspire to be a model and want to be a reality TV whore then there is an open casting call for a new show debuting on E!. Read below for info:

Casting Female Models In MIAMI for NEW E! TV Show...

E! Entertainment Television is looking for Female Models (no height requirement) between 18-28 to star in a TV show tentatively called "Last Model Standing" shooting the end of October in South Beach. The show will feature 6 models as they compete for a coveted magazine spread or similar high profile engagement. All participants will receive fantastic exposure on national television, as well as a chance at glamorous prize package.

Please email me or at TOTALREALITYCASTING@AOL.COM with photo, contact, and a short bio about yourself. PLEASE Including why you want to be a model or how you got into modeling and ALSO why you would be perfect for the show.

If we are interested we will contact you for an interview. CASTING WILL BE HELD IN SOUTH BEACH

HAHAH, no height requirement? I can see it now, every Miami/Hialeah chonga and Kendall wannabe wearing their HUGE wedge heels and their "the bigger the hoop the bigger the hoe" earings.

    I admit it. I am a reality TV addict. I have the guilty pleasure of tuning in to tons of non-informative reality TV shows; from Work Out, to The Hills, to Charm School. My addiction is so bad that I even tune in to Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet to check out the latest drama in the Animal Kingdom.

    Of all the hundreds of drama infested reality programs on TV, America's Next Top Model is definitely mi numero uno. Nothing is better than hearing Tyra utter her famous one liners such as: "Only four girls stand before me, but only three of you will proceed in the hopes of becoming (cue whisper) Americas Next Top Model". Although I was saddened by the outcome of this past season when Tyra crowned John Leguizamo look-alike Jaslene (pictured above) as America's Next Top Model of season 8 (I was rooting for Natasha), I am definitely tuning in next season.

    With all the chongalicious local natives, it’s no surprise that Tyra would make a stop at the 305 to pick out some local potential for Season 9. The Sagamore is hosting a casting/photo shoot this Saturday, June 9 at 6 – 9 PM. A few local beauties such as April Wilkner and Tiffany Richardson (pictured left) have been cast for ANTM in prior seasons. If you think you have what it takes, then slip on your Sundays best (leave your chinese slippers at home) and head out The Sagy for your one way ticket to The House of Tyra.

P.S. Say hi to Miss Jay for me.

Greetings! Just a friendly reminder to cum on out tonight to the Pink Panty Party at Mansion. Free booze from 11 p.m. to midnight. Then join us for heartbreaks (and hopefully head) over at the Mark for Damaged, 500 South Pointe, Miami Beach. Free booze from 11 p.m. to midnight (we at Miami Nights are pros at hitting TWO open bars at once – we can’t tell you our secret because then we’d have to sleep with you). Stud muffin DJs Ryan Evan, Johnny the Boy and Gabby will be buttering everyone’s muffin tops. Tonight is the night that we all will get lucky! So if your single and a lady, wear the shortest skirt you own! Let's work out our V-day, ladies and treat our V's right!

The nice people over at Tara Ink have asked us to give them some post love on the upcoming Nicole Miller fashion show taking place this Friday, February 16, at Pearl Restaurant & Champagne Lounge. Sounds of Fashion will feature exclusive clothing from the famous designer’s Spring/Summer 2007 collection. The dinner starts at 9 p.m. while the show is at 11 p.m. Read further if you are interested in going.

Don’t be a poop on Valentine’s Day. This is Miami and we all can get laid! On Wednesday, February 14, Miami Nights will be hosting the Pink Panty Party at Mansion. Created by the truly talented Natalie Thomas, the party will feature the fashions of Sweet Pea, models from Next, AND open bar from 11 p.m. until midnight.

After the pink-party extravaganza (or at least until the free booze runs out), it will be time to head on down to the Mark for Damaged! to share love with our favorite heartbreakers: Ryan Evans, Johnny the Boy and Miss DJ Gabby. Lady Wrangler has the night off – I’ll be tackling cowboys in the back of the club with my magical-get-laid lasso.

There is just waaaay to many Super Bowl events to cover in one post, or even several posts. It seems every single venue and promoter in South Beach and Downtown Miami has something going on this weekend to capitalize on the cash cow that is the Super Bowl but I got a day job and covering it all is just not humanly possible. I don’t care what kind of party animal you all think I am but I got limits and this Super Bowl weekend stretches beyond those. Granted, I sold my soul to Miami Nights when I signed up but as evil a taskmaster she is my liver can only take so much (please save me!!). We’re not gonna list the $1k ticket events cause to pay that much for a Super Bowl party is just ludicrous. Follow the click to continue.

FHM readers recently voted Miami Dolphin hottie, Bibiana Julian, as the hottest NFL cheerleader. And we I at Miami Nights agree completely as did the thousands of FHM readers who voted for her online in their first “America’s Sexiest Cheerleader” poll. FHM even has a five point scouting report on the latest Dolphin MVP lol.

1. HER BUTT ROCKS “My friends did everything they could to help me win, including putting up links to FHM on their MySpace pages. I don’t know what separated me from the other girls, but the Dolphin cheerleaders said it was because of my butt. Butts are appreciated down here because of the Latin flavor going on. Our fans like the variety—I think if any of our girls were in the contest, they’d have won. It’s a Dolphin thing.”

Congrats Bibiana (I think her mom meant it to be Viviana but we’ll excuse her for giving birth to a champ)!!! It’s people like you that make me proud to be a Miamian. Now if only the Miami Dolphin football team could get some great press like this. Somehow I don’t think the recent blowout of the Patriots will get as much attention as Bibiana (More iamges from FHM below, ENJOY!).

As you readers likely know, May Anderson was arrested for slapping up a flight attendant (no word yet on the extent of her injuries) on her flight from Amsterdam last Friday. The SI model apparently consumed too many carbs while on the flight and went berserk, resulting in her spending the night in a women’s detention center and paying $3,000 bail. Andersen was then taken into custody by the ‘Migra’ and refused entry into the United States. She will be deported back to Amsterdam on the next available flight. This continues a string of supermodel gone wild assualts on helpless ugly service people, which we witnessed last month when Naomi Cambell chucked a cell phone at her housekeeper and busted open her head. Let this be a lesson to all you aspiring supermodels, the consumption of carbohydrates can lead to feral, inexplicable frenzy’s that will get you deported. Stick to the “diets” your 14 yr old anorexic bodies can handle.