MiamiNights - Miami Night Clubs, Nightlife

And of course there is nobody like The Dude over at Finsnation.com that could put it so eloquently.

I expected him to flop around the dance floor like a moose that had just been hit with a tranquilizer dart. Instead, JT was graceful, lithe, with a hint of charming sophistication. I was enchanted.

Jason Taylor is in this seasons Dancing with the Stars. I personally didn't watch JT foxtrot his way into the viewers screens but I know my mum watches that shit so I could hear her through my sound proof room screaming "Oh my god hijo it's that black dude from the Miami Dolphins"! I love my mum, she may be Peruvian but she's there with me on Sundays drinking beers and watching the damn greatest football team ever suck ass year after year. Anyhow I leave you with another gem by the dude (I highly suggest you read his posts, he's a riot):

.....I was even hoping the judges would come out and agree with me that JT was all kinds of awesome and give him a perfect score, as I had already done in my heart. And while he did get favorable scores from the three judges (7-8-7), it wasn't a perfect score. That shit annoyed me to no end. I don't know if standards are usually high on the show. I don't know if they've ever scored higher than a 9. But after they gave their respective scores, I found myself saying to the three judges -- out loud mind you, "Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you." I was officially hooked in.

Gonna make this short and sweet since information on the two events is rather scarce but the news is pretty huge:

• Bill "The Tuna" Parcels has inked a four year deal to be the Miami Dolphins vice president of football operations. The Tuna is a winner plain and simple. Every team he has been with simply does well. Now as a front office type of guy? Not sure how he will do but the man knows how to evaluate and use talent. I'm not overly excited since Saban, Cameron and Mueller have sucked my cancer ridden left testicle. But let's see how he does in the draft and free agency before we judge. This also means our semi asian looking owner Wayne Huizenga will not sell the team (*phwew*).Check out Finsnation and Sportech Matter for more detailed info and commentary.
• Alonzo Mourning tore his patella tendon in his knee likely ending his magnificent career. Zo has been a staple with the Heat through the thick and thin and finally won a championship he so deserved. He came back from kidney surgery to have a huge impact on the team and I'm sure every Miami Heat fan is shocked by the sudden career ending injury. We wish you well and thanks for all the great years and incredible hustle. I leave you with a mix of Zo's highlights (watch all the stuffs, it's a beautiful thang).

I've been singing the Dolphins fight song since 4pm today and I just can't stop. I know, some people hate the song but dammit I've been singing it since I can remember and it makes my skin tingle. But today, the unimaginable came true. The stench of shit that has been dragging behind the Fins since last year finally washed off. We won. And to hell with a superbowl, this win feels gooooood. The 2007 Dolphins will not go down in NFL history as the most hapless team ever. Fuk you Patriots, your next.

UPDATE: The "Dude" over at Finsnation puts it all together in his oh so eloquent way.

To.the.point:

• The Dolphins suck
• The Heat are 1-5 (they suck)
• The Hurricanes suck
• FIU sucks (but at least were getting a spiffy new stadium to suck in!)

In other words, Miami sports is hopeless and unbelievably discouraging to watch.

Is there any doubt as to which football team in te nation has the hottest cheerleaders? HELL NO. Walking through Publix today I caught a glimpse of the 2008 Dolphin Cheerleader Swimsuit Calendar and it stopped me in my tracks. I've already put my order down. Click the link above and check out Ashton, Ariana and Christina to name a few. Finsnation has some video's of the beauties here. Oh, and check Iveiry (by far the hottest IMO).

My weekends are getting shittier every week. Aside form the wasted day's resulting from the over indulgence of alcohol from the night prior, I can't even recover from my hangover by watching my favorite sports teams win. No, I have to endure hours of complete crap. This weekend was no different. Although I did have reason to cheer as the Gators fell off the National Championship radar for good barring a miracle. Here is your roundup:

• The Dolphins took their stink across the Atlantic to the grand city of London. It was yet another sloppy game, both played and weather wise. The sod in Wembley is made for football and could not handle the overweight behemoths that play American Football. The only positive that came of the game was the amount of Dolphin fans across the pond and the streaker that did push ups during halftime. Unfortunately the conservative stronghold that is Fox did not show show it in all it's splendor because apparently we are still reeling form the Janet/Justin clothing malfunction debacle. Anyhow I found the vid on Youtube, you can check it below.
• The Gators were HUMILIATED by the Georgia Bulldogs early in the game as the entire team stormed the field to celebrate a touchdown. God there's nothing like watching the once proud and now shitty Gators sulk in their humiliation. Had this been something Miami did we would have been called thugs. But because this is not The U it was dubbed "a great move by coach Mark Richt." Bigots I tell you! Putting that aside this is loss #3 for the Gators exposing their lacking offense and their crappy coaching. This just reinforces the fact that last year was a miracle. Expect another 10 year slump Gator fans, I know I will be reveling in your all your losses.
• The U had a bye week which couldn't have come at a better time. Hopefully Kyle Wright will recover from an ankle sprain to lead us to victory next week and we can still ride the brilliant win last next at FSU. Also with the losses of Virginia Tech and Virginia in the ACC we now have a shot at the ACC title and a bowl game to match.
• Ahhhhh how the mighty have fallen. Or better said the Over rated. USF dropped their second game in a row thus exposing their mediocre team and ending their fairy tale run. All those pundits who claimed they were the best team in Florida are eating their own shit. When USF plays the big Florida three then we can decide who the best team in the State is.
• FIU loses again! Go Golden Panthers!!!~

Only one bright light this weekend folks. I'm not sure how much longer the tenant in the rented room will tolerate my yelling and breaking of stuff on Sundays but she better get used to the diminished vocabulary I suffer on Sundays when every other word is a explicative laced insult at something Dolphin related.

• Thank Jeebus for the Miami Hurricanes. Another thrilling installment of perhaps the best damn rivalry in college football.Linda Robertson over at the Herald has the right idea, the schools should put together a limited edition boxed DVD set called: "Canes-Noles: A half century of chaos." Theres nothing like seeing an entire section of Choke Campbell Stadium filled with orange and green Cane fans screaming "Fuck you Seminoles" as the boys from The U close the latest chapter between Miami and FSU.
• The Dolphins Suck and they take their suckitude to London next week for a "home" game against the New York "Football" Giants in the legendary Wembley Stadium. The only bright spot from this shit year, Ronnie Brown, sprained his knee during the game and will undergo an MRI to check for further damage (pray he's ok). UPDATE: SON OF A BITCH! Ronnie Brown is likely out for the season. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the season from HELL.
• hahahaha USF lost in a primetime Thursday night game against the giant slayers Rutgers. The Bulls move form second in the BCS ranking to 11th placing some harmony back into state football dominance.....But only some, cause FSU and UM are still unranked. Being ranked number 2 in the nation aint easy this season.
• UF won, but no one cares unless your a raccoon-skin-hat-wearing-confederate-flag-waving hick.
• FIU is on a 19 game losing streak. Maybe the 'Fins shouldn't feel that bad huh?
• Interesting stat I saw while watching the UM v FSU game: Since 1984 The U has had the most 1st and 2nd round draft pics combined. Basically that means The U produces the best damn football players for the NFL. There's a reason were also called the "NFL U". Suck on that FSU and UF.

It was a very un-eventful weekend filled with several loud 30-minute-explicative-laden turret-syndrome like fits of insanity by yours truly, me, during the Dolphins game. Here's my 5 minute breakdown of all things Florida:

• Trent Green is officially a vegetable....And my beloved Dolphins suck balls. On the other hand at least one good thing came outta the Saban era, Ronnie Brown.
• UM fell to former bastard lying coach Butch Davis. The bright side? It's Kyle Wrights last year. Thank fucking god.
• USF is now ranked number 5. That's the University of South Florida....In Tampa.....The Bulls. Uh huh, I know. It's a weird 2007 when USF is ranked at number 5 in the nation....jesus
• UF lost again, squashing all hopes of repeating for another championship and raising the question "Another 10 year drought for those sorry bastards in Gainesville?". HA! Those ACR's are already headed into another 10 year hibernation. Go LSU Tigers!
• Penny Hardaway practiced with the Heat this weekend. You remember Penny Hardaway right? The washed up injury ridden hasbeen whose career ended in the mid nineties. Why would we sign him you ask? I'm just as dumbfounded as you are.
• FSU won. Who cares.
• FIU Golden Panthers lost to Troy extending their winless streak to 18. Maybe we should pit the Dolphins vs. FIU.....That might actually give the Fins a win. Maybe.