Looks like all of you faithful readers are saved! Researchers have determined that filthy stinky drunks live longer than teetotallers. We're saved!
I've been toiling over the past few days to put together DJ Charts for Facebook, an application that lets DJs put their monthly top track charts right on their Facebook fan pages.
Its stock price has fallen from $14 to 75 cents and it's $120 million in debt. This may be the end for the beleaguered brand that did so much to define the face of the American indie scene.
More progress in downtown after many months of stagnation. The Herald reports that a Russian businessman is planning to open a restaurant and bar inside Marina Blue, the building across from the American Airlines Arena. 5,000 square feet of retail space that close to the Arena at $400 a square foot? Sounds like a sound investment to me considering how insane things are going to be once basketball season starts.
Somehow, two dudes got Four Loko to sponsor their birthday party at White Room. They'll be giving the stuff out free all night.
If you haven't heard of Four Loko, it's some kind of ungodly combination of Sparks (the deadly energy drink with alcohol gratuitously added to it) and Absinthe. I know what you're asking yourself: what could possibly go wrong in this situation? Exactly.
Cheap drink specials all night ($6 for a beer and a shot) and music by Al B Rotten.
For more details and bonus points, check out White Room's unusually terrible new website. Weirdness.
All around this great nation of ours different cities have big summer events that draw large groups of people to gather and celebrate any number of things- many of which are known as "Summerfest", including a rather large and well known live music festival in Milwaukee, WI.
This is nothing like that.
For the third year in a row Summerfest 2010 is taking over South Beach. The folks behind Miami's Winter Party in conjunction with Pink Dollar Enterprises are coming together to put on this fabulously fun event to beneifit the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
Now you know how the gays do mija... 5 events in three days.
The kick-off event (Friday night 7-10 pm) doubles as a shopping event at Creative Male in at the Shops at Midtown. Let me break this down for you: complementary cocktails + (male) hotties showing off swimwear and underwear. Mmmhmmm... exactly.
Bueno pues, it's Saturday and you have your tanga all good to go. Follow the beats to the marquis events of the weekend- "The Summerfest Pool Party" at The Hotel Victor. Oyeme when I tell you that this is one sopa de maricon that you do not want to miss. If last year's event is any indication of what to expect, then I'm going to be the first loca in line.
Longtime friend and South Beach fixture DJ FR8O will be spinning along with DJ Charlmix. Admission gets you two drink tickets. VIP's get access to a private poolside VIP lounge area and bar, gift bags, and the official Summerfest ’10 CD, compliments of DJ Charlmix. The party goes from 1- 6PM. VIP Admission: $35 in advance/$45 at the door; General Admission: $25 in advance/$30 at the door.
The party keeps going later that night at Score for "Summer Storm" with DJ's Miik and Eddie Alias (NYC). Admission: $10 in advance/$15 at the door. Things wrap up on Sunday at the gay mecca known as The Palace.
For more details including tickets go to www.summerfestmiami.com
PRESALE TICKETS END WEDNESDAY AUGUST 18, 2010 at 5PM
Complete Event Listing after the jump.
Aside from the flesh-peeling temperatures and perm-inducing humidity, this summer has been pretty amazing so far. We've had tons of great acts roll through contrary to the usual Curse of Miami Summers.
Tonight, Oh-Wow Gallery (which, incidentally, is the #1 Google result for 'oh wow' -- when you're #1 for a generic age old english phrase, you know you're ballin) presents their newest exhibition Dadarhea. Here's how they describe it:
Welcome to DADARHEA. An idea born from an absurd dream involving pee filled supersoakers and deep fried laptops. It's a dadaist pizzeria. It's idea-rhea. It's the video art equivalent to fantasy island - where Devin Flynn is the Mr. Roarke to Jim Drain's tattoo.
I have absolutely no fucking idea what that means, and it's not just because when it comes to art I'm about as sophisticated as a monkey fucking a football, but I think that means there will be a lot of video screens and random happenings. That's my high-level description of the event.
After that, if you aren't too intellectually and emotionally drained from the pee filled supersoakers, Justin Martin from Dirty Bird Records will be DJing at Electric Pickle. Justin Martin has an unusually perceptive taste in music. His recent Essential Mix on BBC Radio1 was one of the most inventive (without being flip) and listenable mixes of recent memory. I'd almost go as far as say he has a soul but he's quite white so I'm hesitant. Electric Pickle is located at 2826 N. Miami Ave, but you already knew that.
Sundays in Miami have been pretty weak for years now. There are the old stand-by parties: Set and Nikki Beach, both attracting thousands of bill-crunching house heads; and Purdy, attracting the near-homeless and the incapable of ironing or showering. Bella Rose's Sunday offering was the only thing that targeted a somewhat different audience, with somewhat stylish (or at least off-kilter tacky) people and unusual creative direction.
Enter Black Division. Long time local promoter Andrews Lorenzana and his team of misfits are bringing us a new party for our rainy Sunday nights. The location is Kill Your Idol, 222 Espanola Way, which formerly housed Blue (much missed) and Dr. Feelgoods (not missed at all). Music provided by Tommy Gunn and Al B. Rotten. Click here for the Facebook invite.
It's been many months since I've run across any music worth featuring on this site. Wallowing in the fetid waste runoff called club music, toxic side effect of commercial and industrial processes too horrific to even mention, I felt lost and alone, unsure I'd ever hear anything to get excited about again. Until this:
It's has what makes house work: minimalism, honesty, a touch of inner-city sadness, the haunting waft of emotion. Not self indulgent or embellished, just music driven by feeling.
The Miami City Commission, under questionable circumstances, has approved 40 story tall animated advertising towers to go up next to the Arsht Center. On one hand I'm disgusted for obvious reasons: what could be more tacky and obnoxious than something of that size blinking at me all night long? On the other hand, this neighborhood is a total disaster anyway, so if anything at least it will be.. funny. And more light, especially pink blinding light at 3am, means fewer chances for bums to shadow-shank you.
Someone got paid big bucks to figure out which are the gayest cities in America. Surprisingly, and some what disappointingly, Miami is way down at #20. I suppose this researcher isn't factoring popper-related frenzies or sales of leather chaps into his equations because I can't even walk down Lincoln Road in a D2 crop top and my embroidered "Fuck Moi" denim shorts without getting eye-sodomized by muscular pigbois every ten feet.
Photo: The unusually stereotypical vision of gay life in Miami presented by the article. SUPERSOAKERS!
There's been yet another FFFFUUUUUUuu moment for those of us trying to live in the crumbling landscape of Downtown Miami. The Metromover, which I love dearly, is now out of service indefinitely following a minor accident on Tuesday evening.
The Metromover transit system has been suspended indefinitely until federal investigators can determine what caused a crash between two Metromover cars that left 16 people injured Tuesday afternoon.
All day Wednesday, commuters who normally travel on the transit system that transports as many as 26,000 people each day had to take shuttles to their destinations. Some said their commute had doubled and even tripled as a result.
Since they apparently have no idea when it will be back online I guess we'll have to resort to our usual means of transportation: running the fuck away from vicious, thieving zombiebums.
Oh, and there's also a hurricane coming to kill us all and mutilate our bloated bodies.
Update: It's back in order!
I first had the privilege of meeting artist/sculptor Aisha Blakey close to 5 years ago. In that time I have come to regard her as one of the most honest, unique, and talented people I've met. When she isn't holding down the fort at Kid Robot, she spends her time sculpting. Her recent shows at Micheal Perez Art Gallery in Midtown have garnered numerous fans, and most recently sold her notable installation sculpture "56B". Aisha is a home grown artist who majored in Sculpture at the University of Florida. I recently sat down with her to get some perspective on her work and perspective. See our Q&A session below the fold!
Before the 3 readers left get into an great fashion tizzy; yes, everyone has the right to wear whatever the hell they want. The question I usually have for most is "what mirror (if any) do you have hanging in your room" Alas, some recent outings have had me scratching my head at the decisions some poeple make with regard to apparel. As such, I began to jot down some of my own guidelines/advice/thoughts about style.
- Cuffed or not… jorts will always be jorts.
- Gentlemen: Brown suits= FAIL
- Gentlemen: If you can only afford one suit make it black, 2 button, single breasted with well fitted, flat front pants.
- Gentlemen: Patent leather shoes are ONLY acceptable whilst wearing a tuxedo.
- Ladies: Patent leather shoes in the day time is tacky.
- You will always look dumb wearing a scarf in 90 degree weather. Always.
- Ladies: kindly refrain from matching you bag, belt, and shoes, no matter what your abuelita told you.
- Ladies: While your mani and pedi do not have to match each other, you don’t want to do like an OPI display either.
- When mixing patterns, keep in the same color family to avoid looking like a fabric sample store.
- Corduroy and summer do not mesh. Ever.
- Dressing ironically is stupid.
- Proportion and fit is more important than size.
- Just because something fits, doesn’t mean you can pull it off.
- Ladies: Not everyone can pull of ankle covering footwear (read: cankle alert).
- Gentlemen: facial hair- just because you can grow it doesn’t mean you should.
- My lovely lesbians: Lil’ Wayne is not a good style icon.
- If you have ask “does this make me look ______(insert any negative adjective) ?” change into something else.
- Ladies: Wearing you hair in pigtails after the age 21 is not nearly as “cute” as you think it is. Grow up.
- Always engage your core (a.k.a. suck in your stomach).
- Never slouch.
- No matter what Anna Wintour says, black is always good option.
Ready to put on your fair weather Heat fan outfit and celebrate Lebron James' decision?! Here are some suggestions:
Matthias Tanzmann from Berlin at Electric Pickle. Wait, stop, I know what you're thinking: when did Mr. Tarkanian, the boss from hell start DJing?! But no, this is a different consonant-strewn foreigner. You can catch him on Youtube doing his international thing - it's housey, techy, fun. And the party is only $5.
Crystal Cadillac at Rokbar. This local-for-now band seemingly came out of nowhere and has played just about everywhere lately. Check them out tonight and bring along some of your transsexual friends because it's open bar for feeeemales from 11-12.
The Miami Herald has an uncharacteristically interesting article about the year 1980 and the mass upheaval that it brought to Miami, including the Mariel boatlifts and the Liberty City Riots.
The opening quote sets the tone:
Angela Martínez remembers the bumper stickers: ``Will the Last American to Leave Hialeah Please Bring the Flag?''
Pretty amazing to remember that much of Hialeah was white until recent times.
Tonight is the second Saturday of the month which means, of course, Wynwood Art Walk. If you're like me, you gave your British chauffeur the day off to celebrate soccer hooliganism in all its forms, so you have no one to drive you around from gallery to gallery in the Rolls Royce -- everyone knows it's low class to drive yourself around in a Phantom -- and thus you'll be sweating like a porkchop in this ridiculous heat.
Check out the 20(12) Group Exhibition at Miami Art Space, 244 NW 35th St, featuring the work of Johnny Robles, Reinier Gamboa; Kiki Valdes, David Tamargo, George Sanchez-Calderon, Johnny Robles & David Marsh, Brian Gefen, John Sevigny, Raul Perdomo, Alvaro Ilizabe, Eric Torriente, and Oliver Sanchez.
If you haven't suffered heat stroke yet, or any other kind of stroke (paid or gratis), consider checking out Poplife's 11 year anniversary at Grand Central, 697 North Miami Ave, featuring The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Surfer Blood and Hooray for Earth. I don't know who those bands are but I'm going to pretend, if asked, that I really enjoyed them during my heroin years. I suggest you do the same.
I was going to spend the night in the dim light of the sad moon scrubbing endangered sea turtles and other troubled wildlife free of their oily BP death-slurry coatings, until they were all squeaky clean and eager for me to adopt them, and take care of them, and share moments with them, and teach them the ways of the world and what it means to truly love someone, and then post adorable photos of them in my Facebook CUTE MAMIMALS album.
But fuck nature, I gotta party.
There are at least 4 (four) amazing things to do tonight:
- Matt Tolfrey at Electric Pickle: a gifted DJ who plays shit with a bit of swing and soul that you wouldn't expect. That's getting rarer and rarer in these days trapped in the sweltering shitbox of Top 40. More information.
- Dirt Nasty at Louis: Semitalented occasionally hilarious reformed drunk white rapper Dirt Nasty will be doing his dirtiest and nastiest at Louis tonight. More information.
- Miike Snow at Mokai: Miike Snow is a band, not a person, and they're responsible for the annoyingly overplayed "Animals" song (I change shaaaapes just to hiiii---can't take it, no more, no more!). They'll be DJing, but not performing live, at Mokai. More information.
- Lolo's Birthday at Vagabond: As previously mentioned, always a good party on Friday.
Friday night in Miami so, like, duh... Vagabond.
If that's not enough there'll be CUPCAKES!!!
Happy Birthday to Chipi & Lolo.
xoxo,
J
It's raining all over the fuckin place but that's not going to keep you inside, no, not you, because when you stay home you risk missing an extremely incredible, unforgettable, once-in-a-lifetime experience, and those only seem to happen on those odd days when you stay home. Right?
Tonight tech house crazy Radio Slave is emerging from his Berlin brutalist beat bunker to dazzle us at Grass. He'll be twisting and turning obscure nobs on the Dynacord sound system and making us, and a bunch of other like-minded people, dance our asses off. Or at least nod our heads. The party is presented by SAFE and most importantly, the entire outside area of Grass is under a waterproof tent, so your hair won't get messed up.
Click here for flyer or listen to a mix of his from 2009 streamed straight into your browser.